I use Google Analytics to keep track of performance on a number of web projects I have going. Recently they sent me an email, offering me $50 worth of free advertising. Yay, I thought! I don’t really feel the need to advertise, but if it’s free I might give it a shot.

I didn’t notice it at the time, but in light gray font at the bottom of the email are the words “Advertisers with self-managed signup accounts are subject to a $5 activation fee that will be deducted from the promotional credit.” This would turn out to be relevant later.

I went over the the Google adwords site and started puzzling through the signup process. It’s not very friendly, having some annoying “wizard” style elements that don’t let you perform operation “B” until you have performed unrelated operation “A”. But that isn’t the important part. After spending valuable time figuring out how stuff worked I ran into these words: “Your account will be charged a non-refundable CAD $10.00 activation fee upon continuing” and “The promotion code does not apply to the activation fee.”

Google lied to me twice over. They lied about the actual cost ($5 versus $10) and they lied about whether I could deduct the cost from the coupon. In the end I walked away without any free advertising and about 1/2 hour closer to death. Thanks for nothing, Google.